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So ... I've started writing these out as I read the stuff. I find that I get more done doing it this way. I'm also going to try a new, less awkward format. I have enough Teal Deer in my lj as it is. It's going slowly at the moment anyhow, since one book gets to the point and one book DRAGS EVERYTHING WAY THE FUCK OUT. Seriously. Twilight reads like a certain episode of Futurama ...
"Well, first I got up, and then I ate a piece of toast, and then I brushed my teeth, and then ..."
It feels like right now I want to get the basic summaries done and then make more detailed comparisons at the end of the post. That's how it happened last time, with the whole filthy rich vampire family and character who is quite Alice-like named Alicia. I'll keep going with that.
Oh, and helpful publication dates, again:
Edge of Twilight: March 2004 (191 pages)
Twilight: October 2005 (544 pages)
New Moon: September 2006 (608 pages)
Eclipse: August 2007 (629 pages)
Breaking Dawn: August 2008 (768 pages)
As an interesting aside, The Host by Smeyer was published in May 2008, and is another 600+ page book. This was written while she was working on all her other books.
Breaking Dawn
- Edward makes Bella do beachy things on the island. She begs him for sex. Like, literally begs.
- She's wearing lots of lingerie, even though she's covered in bruises. She picks out a black lacy one to try to get Edward to bonk her.
- She, like, offers to stay human and go to college. Edward gets mad, because she's just making things worse. Oh, and some nice dialogue:
"I want to go to college."
"No you don't. And there is nothing that is worth risking your life again. That's worth hurting you."
Certain words bolded for wtf-ery. Even though it's a manipulative little ploy of hers, he's dismissing what she says like he always does.
- They make up, kiss, there's some cheesy dialogue about humans being ruled by their hormones, and then it's revealed that Bella's having nightmares. Nightmares about a child. And she's afraid for the child, which is a boy. Which is funny, because it turns out the child is of the female persuasion. She feels that she HAS to protect the boy, and she knows she's gonna fail. That's actually what it says.
- Bella goes to sleep, and wakes up from a dream and starts crying. She's sad because she woke up. It was a sex dream, and Edward gets mad when she tries to secks him. Then he gives in because she's pouting and whining and they have rough pillow-biting sex again. owait, I guess the pillows are okay this time. Nevermind! oh my god, he broke the headboard and destroyed her lingerie. Less lulzy, but still hilariously wrong.
- ALL OF A SUDDEN Bella is more dizzy than normal. She had an inner-ear infection or something before, that's the only explaination; now it's almost like she's falling-down drunk. And her appetite has increased dramatically. And now she does want to go to college. For realsies.
Okay, before I go any further into the cleaning crew being weird and afraid of Edward, I have to mention something. Here are different ways Smeyer avoids using the word "said":
Approved
Wondered Idly
Agreed Casually
Told Me
Suggested
Complained
That was just off two pages.
Moving on.
- Cleaning crew fixes the headboard and cleans up the remnants of Edward's pillow-biting (teehee). The next chapter opens with Bella having a dream about needing to protect the child.
Edge of Twilight
- GAHAHAHAHA The new chapter opens up with Edge watching Alby from outside her bedroom like some kind of creep. Sound familiar? She knows he's there, though, despite him trying to mask his aura or something dumb like that. She's described as pale and delicate, with eyes so dark a blue it's like they were "ebony." Or "enoby," maybe. She also has really dark hair that is long and straight. Orz, it's Bella.
- She has files about her written by Stiles hidden in her room. Edge can read her thoughts at the moment because she's not bothering to shield them. She looks for something specific in the books, but can't find it. She then puts the files in a suitcase along with the clothing that hadn't gotten into the first one.
- She and Alicia have an emotional goodbye as Alby leaves for a place just outside of Salem, MA. How surprising! Edge gets into the apartment after she leaves and finds out where she's going, since Alicia left the page up on her browser. And then he decides she's going to go after her, get the files, and steal her awesome car. Probably kill her, too.
- After driving for two hours, Alby suddenly hits something, which turns out to be a person. And then she realizes it's a vampire. And holy shit it's the vampire from her nightmares! And they have some friendly-but-not-exactly banter, they introduce themselves, and he has one dimple when he smiles. And like, it makes her stomach turn a somersault, her heart races, it's like electrocution, etc.
- He knows who she is, and he's the one who actually gives her the name Alby instead of Amber Lily, because he thinks Amber Lily doesn't suit her. (I think it's dumb.) He says he's going to Salem, she offers to drive him there as an apology for hitting him, and then asks if he wants to drive. Oh, and he has the "bone structure of a work of art." It's revealed he doesn't have friends, and likes it that way. All he needs is to have a one-night stand with a woman every once in a while and he's good. So he's not a 107-year-old scrapbooking virgin.
- Alby talks to him a bunch on the trip, and it's revealed that while she is a super-speshul Mary Sue like Bella, she's actually nice and thinks about others. Also, she kind of lets on that she's a virgin. And he says a lot of not-so-vaguely sexual things. He says they should find a dark, private place for their day sleep. Alby suggests the trunk.
- So he makes a remark that there's still enough room in there for movement, and she acts all flustered and whatnot. Then she shoves him in and slams it shut, yelling at him that he was way out of line. He tells her to open the trunk before he puts a bunch of holes in her car, and she warns him that if he doesn't shut up, he'll wake up in a nice sunny spot on the side of the road. So he gets to sleep in the trunk until they get to Salem.
Not much to say right now regarding comparisons, mostly because I don't want to read another chapter of Edge of Twilight. It's almost time for dynamis and I'm bored of this.
"Well, first I got up, and then I ate a piece of toast, and then I brushed my teeth, and then ..."
It feels like right now I want to get the basic summaries done and then make more detailed comparisons at the end of the post. That's how it happened last time, with the whole filthy rich vampire family and character who is quite Alice-like named Alicia. I'll keep going with that.
Oh, and helpful publication dates, again:
Edge of Twilight: March 2004 (191 pages)
Twilight: October 2005 (544 pages)
New Moon: September 2006 (608 pages)
Eclipse: August 2007 (629 pages)
Breaking Dawn: August 2008 (768 pages)
As an interesting aside, The Host by Smeyer was published in May 2008, and is another 600+ page book. This was written while she was working on all her other books.
Breaking Dawn
- Edward makes Bella do beachy things on the island. She begs him for sex. Like, literally begs.
- She's wearing lots of lingerie, even though she's covered in bruises. She picks out a black lacy one to try to get Edward to bonk her.
- She, like, offers to stay human and go to college. Edward gets mad, because she's just making things worse. Oh, and some nice dialogue:
"I want to go to college."
"No you don't. And there is nothing that is worth risking your life again. That's worth hurting you."
Certain words bolded for wtf-ery. Even though it's a manipulative little ploy of hers, he's dismissing what she says like he always does.
- They make up, kiss, there's some cheesy dialogue about humans being ruled by their hormones, and then it's revealed that Bella's having nightmares. Nightmares about a child. And she's afraid for the child, which is a boy. Which is funny, because it turns out the child is of the female persuasion. She feels that she HAS to protect the boy, and she knows she's gonna fail. That's actually what it says.
- Bella goes to sleep, and wakes up from a dream and starts crying. She's sad because she woke up. It was a sex dream, and Edward gets mad when she tries to secks him. Then he gives in because she's pouting and whining and they have rough pillow-biting sex again. owait, I guess the pillows are okay this time. Nevermind! oh my god, he broke the headboard and destroyed her lingerie. Less lulzy, but still hilariously wrong.
- ALL OF A SUDDEN Bella is more dizzy than normal. She had an inner-ear infection or something before, that's the only explaination; now it's almost like she's falling-down drunk. And her appetite has increased dramatically. And now she does want to go to college. For realsies.
Okay, before I go any further into the cleaning crew being weird and afraid of Edward, I have to mention something. Here are different ways Smeyer avoids using the word "said":
Approved
Wondered Idly
Agreed Casually
Told Me
Suggested
Complained
That was just off two pages.
Moving on.
- Cleaning crew fixes the headboard and cleans up the remnants of Edward's pillow-biting (teehee). The next chapter opens with Bella having a dream about needing to protect the child.
Edge of Twilight
- GAHAHAHAHA The new chapter opens up with Edge watching Alby from outside her bedroom like some kind of creep. Sound familiar? She knows he's there, though, despite him trying to mask his aura or something dumb like that. She's described as pale and delicate, with eyes so dark a blue it's like they were "ebony." Or "enoby," maybe. She also has really dark hair that is long and straight. Orz, it's Bella.
- She has files about her written by Stiles hidden in her room. Edge can read her thoughts at the moment because she's not bothering to shield them. She looks for something specific in the books, but can't find it. She then puts the files in a suitcase along with the clothing that hadn't gotten into the first one.
- She and Alicia have an emotional goodbye as Alby leaves for a place just outside of Salem, MA. How surprising! Edge gets into the apartment after she leaves and finds out where she's going, since Alicia left the page up on her browser. And then he decides she's going to go after her, get the files, and steal her awesome car. Probably kill her, too.
- After driving for two hours, Alby suddenly hits something, which turns out to be a person. And then she realizes it's a vampire. And holy shit it's the vampire from her nightmares! And they have some friendly-but-not-exactly banter, they introduce themselves, and he has one dimple when he smiles. And like, it makes her stomach turn a somersault, her heart races, it's like electrocution, etc.
- He knows who she is, and he's the one who actually gives her the name Alby instead of Amber Lily, because he thinks Amber Lily doesn't suit her. (I think it's dumb.) He says he's going to Salem, she offers to drive him there as an apology for hitting him, and then asks if he wants to drive. Oh, and he has the "bone structure of a work of art." It's revealed he doesn't have friends, and likes it that way. All he needs is to have a one-night stand with a woman every once in a while and he's good. So he's not a 107-year-old scrapbooking virgin.
- Alby talks to him a bunch on the trip, and it's revealed that while she is a super-speshul Mary Sue like Bella, she's actually nice and thinks about others. Also, she kind of lets on that she's a virgin. And he says a lot of not-so-vaguely sexual things. He says they should find a dark, private place for their day sleep. Alby suggests the trunk.
- So he makes a remark that there's still enough room in there for movement, and she acts all flustered and whatnot. Then she shoves him in and slams it shut, yelling at him that he was way out of line. He tells her to open the trunk before he puts a bunch of holes in her car, and she warns him that if he doesn't shut up, he'll wake up in a nice sunny spot on the side of the road. So he gets to sleep in the trunk until they get to Salem.
Not much to say right now regarding comparisons, mostly because I don't want to read another chapter of Edge of Twilight. It's almost time for dynamis and I'm bored of this.
Current Music: Don't Go Away - Oasis
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